If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
is wine microwaveable?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
