The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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