Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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