The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
