Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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