I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize