i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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