I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
