Just cropdusted the office
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
