Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
