hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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