apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
