I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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