I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We need to get me chipped asap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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