why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
