I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's always time for handjobs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
