yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
