PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
