she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
