bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
