I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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