I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
