My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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