Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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