I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
