She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
