Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
