So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
