she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
