If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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