I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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