I could have mohawked her pubes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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