When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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