When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
