I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
