I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
