She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
