Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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