Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
