hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
