The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
