Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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