That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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