false alarm. still invincible.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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