just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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