I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dignity is for republicans.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
