i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize