During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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