i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
