Jerry, you need to find god
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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