i think my tv is drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
