No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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