Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
