Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
