the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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