apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
