paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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