I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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