lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
