Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize