Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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