I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
