I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
