I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
