i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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