I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
