Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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