he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
