I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize