Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
