i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My penis needs a shock collar
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
