I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
420 ftw
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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