just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
