Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
