I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize