I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
