Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
